She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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