Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
