The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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