I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
