this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
