I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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