How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
