Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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