Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
