rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
