wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
