And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
