my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
