dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize