Kiss
Puke
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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