Cold hands, warm shart.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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