yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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