So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
