Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
