his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
