I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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