Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
