It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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