Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
