Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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