Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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