If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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