How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
