I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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