I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
