Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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