Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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