There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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