relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
