We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i think i just lost a toe
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
