i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
pop tarts are not kleenex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
