Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
