Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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