I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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