To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
