arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
