I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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