just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
