There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
