Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
