I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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