just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
