he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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