I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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