we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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