I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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