Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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