at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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