And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
