hotel room ftw
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
