Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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