random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
