NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
