Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
