I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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