Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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