i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
