You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
