I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
