he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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