You're earring is so big in my mouth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
