if you like me you must not know who I am
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
