Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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