White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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