she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
