Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
