burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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