just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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