And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
