I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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